Another year- Ab intio !!!!!

Well, another year has come. 2010. Like all others, i also look forward to a stupendous year full of fun. In retrospect, last year (2009) was a mixed bag for me. Finally, I could achieve my career dream. On the personal front, last year was a disaster. I lost someone so dear, my Raison d'être- my mother. Words fail to express the void her absence has created in my life.

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone.
It's not warm when she's away.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
and she's always gone too long
anytime she goes away.

Wonder this time where she's gone,
wonder if she's gone to stay
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone
and this house just ain't no home
anytime she goes away.

Bill Withers- Aint no sunshine.


I speak out (quis leget haec?)

Able was i, ere i am a gay ( Fogive me Napolean for misquoting you)

When i turned 25, four years ago, I asked myself " Well what i am going to do in this life?". I knew the life of gay is always gonna be tough. Aint a bed of roses. Aint a red carpet. Aint a brass brand welcome. Only a cold shoulder. You always have options. I came up with few alternatives.

1. To find a partner, someone close and be with him for long. (Asking for the moon, i know. Ahaa, may be that is my only demanding request in my entire life ..lol...). They say you have to kiss few frogs, before you find the handsome prince..Lol...I did kiss or rather try to kiss one or two frogs. Kept my fingers crossed, they never turned into my Prince charming.Instead frogs turned into toads..he he he.. I really dont wanna kiss any more frogs or toads..Yuck!!!!

Love is unconditional, relationships are not!!!!!

2. To be a father..I always want to live with a kid..My boy!!! It may sound suprising, but i wanted to adopt a kid when was i ten (Really!!!Not bluffing!!!I still carry the same passion). i always You have an ocean of love inside you, why not shower your love on your kid. Very often end up loving people who dont deserve your affection or love. Why should you waste your love on some Tom, Dick(:p) or Harry?. I would rather not.

My advice : Love babies, not babes (:p) Latter stinks more..........

Children make you want to start life over.........
3. To live single....Mother, Father and Brother..My first circle..To live for them..I dont have a huge friend circle, just a hadful. But those whom i have are worth having..Why not make them happy? Is it not the way to live...To live for your beloved ones..Helping others, spreading smiles..is it not wonderful? I was an active memeber of helpothers. (http://www.helpothers.org/). I had smile cards delivered to my home adress. I still have couple of smile cards in my wallet. RAOK (Random acts of kindness)

Smiling is infectious, You can catch it like the flu. Someone smiled at me today, And I started smiling too.

4. To end life.... Well this is only a theoretical option which existed then.. A gay friend of mine, who calls me elder brother is an ardent supporter of "memento mori" (Latin: Remember you must die). He has plans for congregating "gay broken hearts" community to spread his idea. I am often puzzled by the fact that many "too nice gay men" are single and many are broken hearted.


These were my thoughts some 4 years ago. Six months from now, i will be into my thirties :( I still think the same, i believe.

Hope

Gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight
Won't somebody help me chase the shadows away
Gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight
Take me through the darkness to the break of the day

ABBA

Wishing you all a very happy new year, may this year bring the best to you...


DEDICATION

I would love to dedicate this post, to my room. The final post from my room. It has been the most comfortable place in the whole world, for me. The place i would run to when the whole world seemed to forsake me..My love, My adobe, where i have spent over 6 years. Today, i am leaving that room forever. It pains me..It hurts..But i have to say adios..Good bye to those walls, who silently listened to my whispers, my laughter, my screams, my pain, my tears, my agony, my fear...Thank you for being my silent partner. I thank thee to no end. I wish you will get a better roomie than me.

Epilogue

I've been a player in the crowd scene
A flicker on the big screen
My soul embraces one more in a million faces
High hopes and aspirations, and years above my station
Maybe but all this time I've tried to walk with dignity and pride

Chesney Hawkes, The one and only